This is a guest post by Dave Perrotta, the founder of PostGradCasanova.com.
You see her walking by, and she catches your eye.
Tall, slender, long blonde hair, and a walk that runway models aspire to…
You snap out of your daze, walk towards her, and approach.
“Hey, I know this is random, but I saw you walking by and you caught my eye. I had to meet you. I’m Dave.”
“Wow, thanks! I’m Jessica,” she replies and shakes your outreached hand.
The conversation shifts back to you. At that precise moment, your mind goes blank.
You mutter something bland, like “Yeah it’s good to meet you…” without adding any more value to the conversation.
“Yes, it is! But I have to run! Have a good day!” she says.
And just like that, in a split second, you miss your opportunity.
We’ve all been in that type of situation before. We start off well, but then go blank, and the conversation stalls.
So, how can you prevent this? What should you say and do after you approach her?
That’s what this post is all about!
Let’s dive in.
Before you do anything else, you should be sure to introduce yourself. Something simple like, “I’m Dave by the way.”
She’ll usually respond with her name, and when she does, you should shake her hand. This helps build an initial level of comfort, and makes it seem like the two of you aren’t strangers anymore.
The First Question
Once you do the intro, there’s a key question you should follow up with…
This question is so simple, you’ll kick yourself for not thinking of it earlier.
Heck, you might even use it now, but you probably don’t understand its power (and so you’re using it wrong).
Here’s the question: “What are you up to?”
(I told you it was simple, right?)
It’s powerful because it can instantly tell you her logistics. You’ll know:
- If she’s in a rush
- If she has a lot of time
- If she has a few minutes to talk
(As you’ll see in a minute, this is very important information.)
You may get responses like:
- “I’m on my way back to work!”
- “I’m just hanging out and doing a little shopping.”
- “I’m meeting a friend in a little while.”
The 3 Different Situations You’ll Face – and How to Handle Each
1. She’s in a Rush
She stops to talk to you, but she’s clearly in a rush and has to do something. You can usually pick up on this through her vibe, or simply by the way she answers your “What are you up to?” question.
So, what should you do if you’ve only got a minute or less to talk to her?
A lot of guys think this isn’t enough time to do anything, but they’re wrong.
If you think she’s attractive and you’d like to see her again, you should STILL ask for her number. It doesn’t matter that you’ve just met her – you literally have nothing to lose.
Here’s what you should say if she’s in a rush:
“I know this is random and we literally just met, but you have a really fun/interesting vibe. We should grab a drink this week or next.”
By saying “I know this is random and we just met,” you signal that you have social intelligence, while also addressing her potential objection of “But we just met!” BEFORE she can say it.
If she says, “Yeah, that sounds fun!” you can say, “Okay, awesome!”
Then pull out your phone, bring it to the “add contact” screen, hand it to her, and tell her to put her number into your phone.
If she says something along the lines of “No” followed by an excuse (like “I have a boyfriend”), you can say, “No worries, just take it as a compliment then,” and leave the conversation.
2. She Has a Few Minutes to Talk
She lets you know she’s meeting up with a friend in a few minutes, or perhaps at the beginning of her lunch break from work. You can tell she’s not in a huge rush, but she does have somewhere to be in a little while.
Your goal here should be to make a good first impression, and get her number at a high point in the conversation.
All you really have to do here is make an assumptive statement (i.e. make a guess about her).
There are three types of assumptive statements you can make:
- Where she’s from: “You look like you’re from New York.”
- What she does for a living: “You seem like you do something creative.”
- What type of person she is: “You seem like a fun, adventurous kind of person.”
These statements will give you some good, fun conversational material. From here, you should be able to keep the conversation going for 2-3 minutes.
Then, when the conversation seems to be at a high point (the two of you are laughing, realize you have something in common, etc.), tell her you need to go, and ask for her number.
You can say something like, “Listen, it’s been great to meet you. I gotta go, but you seem like a lot of fun. We should grab a drink this week or next.”
Once she says “Yes!” pull out your phone and have her put her number in.
3. She’s Got A Lot of Time on Her Hands
After approaching her, you realize she’s not really doing much right now. She’s not in a rush and she doesn’t have to be anywhere.
Here, you have two options:
1. Take her on an “instant date”
2. Talk to her for a little while and grab her number (similar to if she has a few minutes to talk)
We’ll get to both of these scenarios in a second – but let’s talk about some more conversational tools you can use to extend the conversation.
Aside from making statements, you can also:
- Ask open-ended questions (like, “What brings you to X city?”), then listen and relate back with your own experiences.
- Compliment her in genuine and unique ways (like, “You have a very unique style. I might need to get some fashion tips from you”).
- Playfully tease her (i.e. Oh you’re from LA? You’re a Valley girl at heart, aren’t you?”)
All of these conversation tips will help you extend the conversation and connect with her.
Okay, now let’s get back to those two options we mentioned before…
How to take her on an “instant date”:
Here, you can say, “I’m not in a big rush right now and you seem like fun. I know a great ice cream/coffee place down the street. What do you say we check it out?”
The benefit of an “instant date” like this is that it can create a deeper connection and more familiarity with the girl. The danger is it can lead to you getting friendzoned.
For it to work well, you need to maintain the flirtatious, man-to-woman type of vibe throughout the interaction (which can sometimes be difficult in a daytime setting if you don’t have a lot of experience).
As for the second scenario (talk to her for a little while and grab her number), you basically just do the same thing as you would if she had a few minutes to talk. Maybe you stay in for a few extra minutes and use the three conversation tips from this section. Then, you get her number at a high point in the interaction and leave.
You now have a solid structure to handle most of the situations when you’ll be approaching a girl. Internalize this structure, and you won’t have to worry about “running out of things to say” after you approach her.
You’ll be able to make the conversation interesting and connect with her. In doing so, you’ll give yourself the best chance to get her number and see her again.
Bonus for Love Life Solved Readers
I want to share with you guys my Conversation Cheat Sheet. It’s filled with hacks you can use to have better conversations with women.
All you have to do is let me know which email you want it sent to here, and I’ll send it to you for free. You’ll learn:
- 2 questions that make her open up to you
- A conversation mistake that instantly turns her off
- How to command her attention from the first word
- And much more…