Showing intent can be scary because it puts you out there emotionally. “What if she rejects me? I’m gonna look like a loser in front of everybody.”
However, not showing intent is even more painful. If you have ever been ‘friend-zoned’ you know how agonizing it is. Especially because it can cost you years. Years you could have spent dating other women instead of sitting at home praying every weekend when she goes out that she doesn’t hook up with some other guy.
Another reason that a lot of men refrain from showing women that they like them is that they are afraid to bother or harass them. In the age of #metoo, lots of men just aren’t sure how to show intent without running the risk of being perceived as weird, creepy, or even a predator.
How to and how not to show intent
Most guys’ get so nervous when it comes to showing interest that they always just hint at it.
They pay her the nicest compliments. They are super friendly and generous. They smile from ear to ear whenever she is talking to them.
To us men, these signals are pretty clear. But they are only clear if you have really strong self-esteem and assume attraction.
Most men believe that women don’t have any insecurities when it comes to dating. And that’s flat out wrong.
If you don’t show a woman clearly that you are interested, then, eventually, she will assume you are not interested.
Women aren’t too keen to get rejected either, and so it’s also tough for her to take the lead in the hopes that the guy – who has never asked her out even though she has spent a lot of time with him – feels similarly. Especially because many women’s worst nightmare is to be seen as easy to get.
I’m sorry to tell you but for the foreseeable future, it looks like us guys have to be ready to show clear intent before women do (they will give you subtle signs, though). Hinting and waiting haven’t proven themselves effective.
Showing intent used to be a missing arrow in my dating skills quiver. But the following three methods changed the game for me and they will do the same for you.
1. Telling Her
The by far best way to show intent is honestly stating what you think. I said the best way because this method holds a huge hidden advantage. It forces you to communicate emotionally, which is always highly attractive and practically unheard of among most guys she meets.
Telling her doesn’t mean telling her everything immediately. How would you react if a woman you hardly knew proclaimed her undying love to you? You’d think she was weird.
So the way to do it is to state what you think and feel in the moment:
- “Gosh, you look so damn sexy in that blue dress.”
- “I don’t know why, but every time I am with you I feel like I can say the stupidest shit and you won’t judge but get it. I guess that’s what it feels like to have a connection with someone.”
- “Honestly, I have never felt so vulnerable and insecure around anyone. You are my kryptonite but for some reason, I can’t get enough of you.”
2. Asking her out
Whenever humans struggle collectively in a social situation they come up with a social convention. It’s sort of like a best-practice. The social convention for stopping a stranger on the street is the phrase, “Excuse me.” The social convention for showing intent is to ask someone out on a date.
The only way to screw up showing intent when asking her out on a date is if you try to disguise the date as just a friendly meeting. So don’t ever bring a friend along. If she wants to bring a friend, ask her why she’d want to bring a third person to a date to make it clear.
If you want to make your intentions clear, you can’t ask her like, “Are you in the mood for some lunch?” Ask her like, “How about the two of us have lunch together? I’d really like to get to know you better.”
Short: Make it clear that you are not interested in meeting her as just a friend and the underlying social convention will do the rest for you.
3. Eye contact, body language, voice, touch
Women generally are really good at picking up on little cues that signal interest. So if you are able to slow down and lower your voice while having a slight smirk on your lips and making strong eye contact, then you should use that. Women will immediately know you are interested without you having to say a word.
But there is a downside as well.
Doing stuff like that requires lots of practice in order to not over or underdo it. That’s why it often gets associated with players.
However, if you can do it in a way that is genuine then it’s one of the most powerful and attractive ways to show intent.
Once I had gotten the hang of this it became my method of choice. It enabled me to have wild experiences. I remember one crazy situation where I spotted an attractive stranger across the room and we just looked at each other and smiled. Then, she slowly positioned herself closer and closer to me and I did the same until we danced back on back and then just turned around and kissed.
I want to warn you again, though.
This method is really touchy and can quickly get you into trouble if done wrong. And it’s practically impossible to know whether you do it right without a woman telling you. That’s why I recommend taking a few coaching sessions with Kristina Kirilova to make sure that what you do is on point and non-creepy.
Where to go from here
If you only remember one thing from this article let it be this: Don’t hint. Do tell.
The clearer you make your intentions with women (and people in general) the clearer the situation is to both of you. This will save you endless drama and suffering in the friend zone.