Last September, together with our business partner and good friend Nick Notas, we held our 4th Conquer Confidence retreat, this time in Dublin, Ireland. From all retreats we had, this was probably the most inspirational one especially when it comes to connecting with people.
The conversations we had with strangers on the street can be only compared to good and meaningful talk with old friends. Because the Irish people love craic/crack: that’s the special word they have for enjoyable and valuable conversations.
They don’t want to waste their time discussing generic topics and asking everyone the same boring questions. They want to know what’s inside you – what motivates you to wake up every day, what thoughts keep you up in the night and what scares the shit out of you. They want to get to know the real you as quickly as possible.
To me, it almost felt like Ireland doesn’t belong to this insane technological world we all live in. People there don’t constantly stare at their cellphones and they aren’t afraid to talk to other human beings. Moreover, they aren’t afraid to be real and feel no need to impress others; they are simply seeking genuine connections to others. I wish more people were like the people of Ireland.
On each of the 4 days in Dublin, we held our coaching sessions at our house. This is where our clients can feel secure, comfortable and can open up. We used a variety of different role-play situations to help our participants prepare for our practical activity. By using what they had been learning, clients then had the opportunity to put their skills into practice in a real-life scenario by striking up conversations with different people walking down the street or sitting in the park.
Our feedback was overwhelmingly positive with many clients saying that they appreciated having the opportunity to train with a woman and receive honest, genuine and professional advice on what exactly they could improve on in order to boost self-confidence and skills regarding communication with women.
Although Nick and I mostly work on a deep level, we also believe in paying attention to the details. Because it’s the small things that make a big difference.
For one of the guys, we did a small style makeover. He was wearing dated glasses which didn’t suit him at all, especially with his smart casual style which made him look a bit too stiff and serious. But in fact, he was one of the warmest people I’ve ever met. He’s a guy who people can only have fun with when spending time with him. So he should make sure that he comes across in such way. Changing his outfit and buying a different style of glasses (with black frames) made him look more laid back, easy-going and approachable. The way he dressed before made him look a lot older than he actually was. The wrong sense of style could easily age someone 10 years.
One of the other guys realized in Dublin that, in actual fact, he found it easy to get to know strangers, something he didn’t know anything about beforehand. The reason why he had never tried anything like this before was because he felt he would be bothering a woman and disturbing her in some way. For this reason, he avoided such situations completely.Due to the continued encouragement and support from us and the other participants around him, with whom he shared the common goal, he found out that it was actually okay to approach a stranger and initiate a friendly, open-minded and genuine conversation. These 4 days at the retreat gave him the push he needed to change something and to take steps towards connecting with people. He then realized that it’s not only possible for other people to approach women, but himself too.
Through their experiences made at the retreat, our clients discovered that women not only react positively from being approached but also enjoyed the experience. One mustn’t forget that women also want to get to know new people and connect with others.
One of our clients saw a woman sitting on the grass reading a book that spiked his interest. This was a clear indication that they had something in common and a great way to start a conversation. They ended up sitting and talking for over an hour.
They then recognized that it’s even okay to approach women who are wearing headphones whilst sitting on a park bench or something of that nature. They found this out for themselves through their own positive experiences. The worst thing that happened was that a woman simply walked past without stopping or claimed she was in a hurry.
At the beginning of our retreat, many of our clients had the wrong mindset when it came to talking to women and this was holding them back. Proving to them otherwise through our in-person coaching and practical advice was extremely powerful and convinced them that connecting to people can be actually effortless.
On the whole, the feedback has been very positive, each of them agreeing that they were pleasantly surprised about how approachable women are and how well they were received.
Meet the women you want at our next retreat in San Diego, California next February.