If there is one thing that will make you insanely attractive and charismatic it’s your beliefs. But how can you adopt such attractive beliefs?
Every guy who has trouble attracting the women he wants has a problem with negative beliefs. Most people just don’t know it because beliefs are sneaky.
They hide in our subconscious mind and surface as thoughts. Those thoughts lead to negative emotions and negative emotions are what we experience as fear, insecurity, shame, and so on.
An example for a negative belief I had:
“Women don’t like my voice in English (my mother tongue is German) and everytime I open my mouth I ruin everything.”
Ok so how can we change a negative belief like that? There is actually a very simple process that we can apply:
Identify the belief
It can be hard to find out what it is that you believe about yourself. But there is a simple way to find out.
From now on always have something to write with you. Next time you get a negative feeling immediately get conscious of what your thoughts were right before you got the feeling and also while you experienced those negative emotions. Write these thoughts down!
Spotting thoughts in the moment takes a little bit of practice but it gets easier and easier over time and after a couple of weeks it will feel like second nature to you.
After a while you should have a list with negative thoughts. I call those thoughts stories because they can be longer than just a sentence and because I see them as fictional stories. About 10 of these stories are sufficient to get started with the next step.
For rewriting our little stories we can use the principles of writing affirmations because basically that’s what we want to create – positive affirmations.
Principle 1 – The story must be precise. It must be clear what you mean.
Principle 2 – The story must be written in positive form.
Right: I am open to talking to new people everywhere I go.
Wrong: I am not opposed to talking to new people everywhere I go.
Principle 3 – The story must be written in the present tense.
Principle 4 – The story must not include words that express intent like I should, I want, I would like,…
Principle 5 – The story must spark emotion in you!
Practice the rewritten belief
Now that you have got all those beautifully re-written stories we can finally start the fun part. Practicing the beliefs.
There are countless methods how one can do affirmations but I’ll share the two ways that have worked best for me.
What you need: Device on which you can record audio, list of at least 10 re-written stories
Take a microphone (the one you have built into your laptop should be sufficient) and record yourself while reading through the stories. Repeat the sentences until the finished recording is about 20 minutes long.
After that listen to the recording as often as you can. Right after waking up and right before going to sleep are the best times because it’s easier to reach your subconscious mind during those times.
What you need: Privacy, large mirror, your pre-recorded stories, some device to play the recorded stories from
Stand in front of a large mirror and get so close that your breath is almost causing the mirror to tarnish.
Play the pre-recorded affirmations in an infinite loop.
Start to breath slowly and deeply.
Focus solely on the breathing for about 10 minutes. Forget about the recording that is playing in the background. Just as with meditation the goal is to get rid of all distracting thoughts. We want to reach a state in which the subconscious becomes open to our stories.
As soon as you reach a point at which you feel very calm and focused, start repeating the affirmations out loud. Speak them along with the recording.
Keep doing this for about 5 minutes at first and keep going longer and longer. The most important part of the whole exercise is having fun! If doing the exercise isn’t fun then you won’t keep doing it for long which would be a catastrophe because continuity is the key to changing your belief system.
Find proof that your new belief is true
How can you see whether the technique I just explained works? In business there is a saying: “What gets measured gets done.” Unfortunately it’s very hard to measure the effectiveness of affirmations in our case. There is one thing you can do however.
Keep a diary
Not an extensive one, that’s not necessary. Just write a report of the most important stuff that happened that day, what you have learned that day.
Just by looking back you will be able to see just how far you have come. It’s similar to what happens when you want to build muscles. You can’t see a difference from one day to the next, but when you look at pictures from three months ago you will be able to see a huge difference.
If you have any other ideas on how we could measure the success of our affirmations please let me know in the comments and I’ll include it in an updated version of this post.