Picture this situation: You just saw an amazing documentary about rock climbing on TV and now you want to learn how to climb. So you try to convince your friends to learn it together. Unfortunately, your friends couldn’t care less about pulling their own weight up a vertical wall. You are stuck. Either you go and learn how to climb on your own, or you bury your plans to conquer the big walls for now and wait until your friends eventually “feel like it”. What should you do?
The answer seems obvious – just go alone. But entering a new situation on your own often feels scary. To avoid the fear of the new you come up with excuses:
- “I’d rather stay at home with my friends anyway.”
- “The weather is so nasty today. I’ll just go Monday next week.”
- “It’s probably too expensive anyway.”
Why you should go anyway
The ability to do what you want to do, even if no one joins you, is a magical thing.
Here is why:
1. Spending time alone will make you more confident.
Every time you step outside of your comfort zone your confidence rises. Additionally, you will be perceived as more confident because not a lot of people are comfortable alone.
2. Spending time alone will make you more interesting.
By just doing the things you are interested in on your own you will make many more experiences than the average “I need a friend to do it” guy. More experiences equal more interesting stuff to talk about, which equals a more interesting person.
3. Spending time alone will make you well respected.
People respect others who do things that they themselves find challenging. A friend told me yesterday, that he is going to go on a two-year trip from Austria to India. All by himself! Honestly, I would be really scared of that trip and probably wouldn’t do it. But I have immense respect for my friend.
4. Spending time alone allows (forces) you to meet many new people.
When you are by yourself you will push yourself much harder to meet other people.
All too often, we append ourselves to a group of friends. This is nice because it makes us feel comfortable, but it also results in standing around with the same guys all night, pretending to have fun.
5. Spending time alone makes it easier for others to approach you.
Most people find it more challenging to approach someone who is in a group. By being alone you make it easier for new people to start a conversation.
6. Spending time alone gives you time to think.
Sometimes it can be relaxing to not constantly interact with others. Thinking about your life is a valuable activity that so few people ever find time for. Making good decisions in life is impossible without first thinking about what you want.
7. Spending time alone allows you to do whatever you like whenever you like.
No one screws with your plans. What you say is what will be done. Especially handy on city trips and other vacations. This will train your decision-making skills.
Spending time alone makes it hard to be alone
Here is the funny thing about all of this: as soon as you start doing more activities alone, others will want to be with you. It’s not surprising. Who wouldn’t want to spend time with a confident, respectable, and interesting person?
Become comfortable being alone and you never will be.
How to get comfortable with being on your own
When you are used to always being with someone, it can feel pretty uncomfortable to suddenly have no one to rely upon. That’s why I recommend you start out slow and gradually become comfortable with more and more situations.
Some inspiration for low anxiety activities that you can easily do alone:
- Sports, Fitness
- Learning something new
More challenging activities:
- Going to a restaurant
- Going out
- Attending a seminar
Of course, you don’t have to do every single activity on your own from now on. Spending time with other people is still extremely important to your success with women as well as to your well-being. But you should spend some alone time every now and then, to prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone to have a great time. Once you are capable of that and refresh it from time to time, it’s fine to spend your time however you like.
Start spending time alone and your life will benefit! There is no doubt about it.