Should You Have Sex on the First Date?

This is a guest post by Rachel Esco. Rachel is a Toronto-based writer who is a keen observer of today’s young adult culture which she examines in her writing. Enter the stage, Rachel.

We all know that standards of decorum for the first date are not what they used to be ten years ago. Dating practices have changed as people are becoming more sexually liberal and open-minded. And with these loosening rules around first date propriety, how can people navigate between what is socially acceptable and perhaps too scandalous? This begs the following question: Should today’s singles have sex on the first date?

In the spirit of America’s liberal social conventions, I have to say, the answer depends on your personal values and the kind of love you seek.

People who’ve had sex on the first date may have quickly realized that this is not exactly the grandest road toward a committed relationship, although they may have had a fun night. So, here’s what I suggest for first date sex committers.

If you are a liberal dater, you are usually open-minded and have good intentions. Yet, when on a great date with heated conversation and a few too many Gin n’ Tonics, it’s all too easy to become lost in the moment. If you’re one of these people who tend to lose themselves on a great date, you should be cautioned.

Many people, particularly women, often mistake an amazing, intoxicating first date with finding their “soul mate” when usually this is just the booze and hormones talking. So, the next time you’re wining and dining, ask yourself what you’re really looking for before taking the night to the next level.

Another thing to consider is what type of dating app you’re using. If you’re constantly having steamy dates with carefree people on Tinder who just want a quick bedroom huddle, it’s no surprise that you keep getting down on the first date. When the repetition of nonchalant sex starts to feel a tad dreary (or depressing), consider trying something else. For many, apps like Lunchmeet or Whowinkedme tend to be more centered around matchmaking as opposed to sex-partnering— but it’s your call in the end, of course.

Ultimately, you’ll want to ask yourself what makes you the happiest. If your Netflix watching buddies aren’t quite filling the emptiness in your heart, is it so bad to admit you might be a sucker for something grander? Dare I say romance?

So, with the risk of sounding like grandma, it really is more effective to date a little more conservatively. First date sex is not always wise when trying to form a genuine partnership. And while it can be difficult to put the brakes on intense chemistry, you must not lose sight of your personal relationship goals or risk dating ineffectively.