Many guys complain they don’t have a girlfriend because they “haven’t found one yet” or because “it’s not that easy to meet new people”. Let me tell you something: She won’t just magically appear out of nowhere and knock on your door!
Meeting new people is crucial. You can’t find a girlfriend if you don’t get to know new people. The same holds true for friends, hot dates, business partners, employees mentors, and even acquaintances. Your success in life correlates directly with your ability to meet and befriend new people!
You are probably reading this because you want to find your next girlfriend. The thing is – to meet new interesting women you have to be open to meeting new people in general. You never know, maybe you meet a nice 70 year old lady who happens to have a really cute granddaughter she introduces you to. Be open to meeting new people no matter what age or gender they are and magical things are going to happen!
Opportunities To Meet New People Are Everywhere
Did you know you are surrounded by conversation starters? Take a situation in which you and the person you want to meet have something in common. For example:
Imagine you are at the airport, your whole terminal is closed and you have to wait a minimum of 2 hours at the gate. You are there with at least 50 – 60 other passengers and they hate that situation just as much as you do. Just turn to the person next to you and say: “Seriously 2 hours, are they kidding us?” Chances are they will agree with you and baaam, you just broke the ice and can continue with “By the way my name is Kristina, nice to meet you!”
Asking for permission like: ‘’Excuse me, can I ask you…’’ only makes you more nervous and isn’t necessary. Just skip the apologies and start with your opening sentence.
How To Break The Ice
The initial start of a conversation can seem scary but with the right mindset, enough practice and the right tips you will not only be able to approach people naturally and without anxiety but also have fun in each phase of the conversation.
Picture this: You’re in a bar to play pool billiard with a couple of friends. An attractive woman has looked over to you a couple of times. You would love to go over to her and start a conversation, but what do you say to her?
Before I go into detail about how to start this conversation, first a couple of tips about what not to say and do:
- No pickup lines! They don’t work on high-quality women.
- Don’t play too cool for school. She will look right through it.
- Women appreciate honesty! Don’t try to impress her by juicing up your stories.
Now back to our story. Walk over to her with confidence and slow movements. Moving slowly decreases your chances of bumping into something and it exudes more confidence. Also make sure you approach her more from the side than from the front – it’s less threatening.
You: Hi. How’s your day been?
She – a bit surprised: Oh hi. :) It’s been fine. How was yours?
You: Stressful. I have so much to do because of that exam I have next week. I have to read two more books and they’re not an easy read.
She: Sounds tough!
You: It is. Btw I’m John! Nice to meet you!
She: Emily, nice to meet you too!
You: So.. What do you do?
She: I’m a teacher!
You: Really! At which school?
And the conversation is on! You just broke the ice and can now get to know her better!
It’s always a good idea to do an activity that doesn’t require much attention parallel to having a conversation. Something like billiard, darts, bowling, cooking, sports, taking a walk,… It takes the pressure away and makes everything flow smoother and more natural.
A little tip on the side:
In case you are a good pool billard player, let her win but don’t make it too obvious.
Overcome Approach Anxiety Step By Step
One of the most common mistakes I observe over and over is good guys who turn crazy as soon as they talk to an attractive woman. Counterintuitively, the path to solving this problem is by starting conversations with everyone but women you are attracted to.
Start step by step:
You can begin by starting conversations with friends of friends, people you don’t fear talking to. Don’t move on to the next step until you feel 100% comfortable with this step.
Chat with strangers whose job is talking to customers e.g: bartenders, waitresses, salespeople etc. These folks won’t reject you! It’s more or less their job to be nice to you and to give you a good feeling.
After that talk to random people you are not attracted to whenever an opportunity arises.
And finally: Talk to women you are attracted to. Hot women are humans too. Don’t act differently around them. They want to get to know you with all your good and bad qualities and not an actor who constantly tries to trick them into bed!
Your order of progression with these steps could be different. Always take one step and practice it until you feel comfortable, then increase the difficulty slowly.
Some Personal Tips That Have Served Me Well
- People LOVE talking about themselves. Ask open ended questions during conversations. Those are questions that force people to answer you with more than one or two words. Most of these questions start with “how” or “what”.
Examples: “What is it like to live in Denmark?”, “How do you envision your life after college?”, “Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time?” Also, check out these open-ended questions.
- Earn the other person’s trust by showing vulnerability. Allow them to see your weaknesses and never play too cool for school! If the other person trusts you he/she will open up and be much more perceptive.
- Don’t hide what you’re thinking and express your opinion clearly. Nothing is more boring than a person who tries to be liked by everyone.
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
Consider that it’s ok not to get along with everyone. That’s a good thing because it helps filter out people who aren’t compatible with your vision of life.
- Practice listening. Most people think about what to say next while the other person is still talking. Never ever do that! It just distracts you, makes you come across as a bad listener and lets you run out of words.
If you enjoyed this post, the chances are you might be interested in our coaching product Practice A Date. In short, you can train your dating skills by going on a series of simulated dating situations with me.