Today I accidentally stumbled upon one of those blog posts that defend the pickup community. For the one-hundredth time, I read that a group of men studied the field of dating and turned it into an exact science. No, you didn’t! Is there a Nobel prize for dating? Can you study it at university? Is any serious research conducted about, “How to pick up women at a bar?” Hell no! They just say it because it appeals to desperate men who want to believe that all it takes to date the women of their dreams is attending a three-day seminar – for “just” $2000.
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that. If you really want to solve your problems in love and dating, you have to change your lifestyle and do many things that feel uncomfortable. It’s a hard pill to swallow, I know.
Improving your love life reminds me a lot of the never ending fat loss debate. Everyone knows pretty well what works if you want to lose fat – exercise and diet. But working out when you are overweight is hard and so is changing your nutrition from Coke and burgers to water and grilled chicken with brown rice.
Instead of getting started with the hard changes, we invest time, energy, and money into finding other solutions like fat loss pills, diets, and crazy workout equipment. Sorry to tell you, but it doesn’t work like that.
The same principles apply in becoming better with women. You can either pay thousands of dollars to guys with fake names who try to convince you with a 20-page long sales text that they have the magic formula that will get you in the pants of every woman. Or you can face the hard truth and accept that nothing worth having comes easy. If it did, everyone would have it!
What’s funny is that many of these self-proclaimed pickup artists really think their genius lines are responsible for the success they have with the ladies. No, they aren’t! When you dig deeper you find out they went out five nights a week, improved their hygiene and style, went to dancing and improv classes, practiced public speaking, and much much more. Without knowing, the PUAs became more successful with the ladies because they stepped out of their comfort zones and improved their lifestyles.
During this post you might have gained the impression that I hate all pickup artists. Actually, I have nothing against PUAs in general. I know good people who saw it as a way to get at least some success in love. But these people were able to separate good advice from harmful advice. They knew what’s misogynistic and what’s not. They took what they believed was ethical and incorporated it into their lives. They eventually stopped reading pick up material and became socially skilled, nice, honest human beings.
However, what I have a big problem with, are people who see it as a hobby to trick drunk, or desperate women into sleeping with them. I have a problem with people referring to women as targets. I have a problem with lying to get sex. I have a problem with videotaping and analyzing interactions with women against their knowledge and/or will.
Guys, you know what will get you results. Take away from pickup what works for you, but don’t buy into all the fake, women-hating bullshit that they mix with sincere self-improvement advice to sell their bootcamps. Stay critical, question everything, and become a good, honest person who truly loves and appreciates women.
Check out the article “7 Reasons The Best Investment Ever Is… A Dating Coach.”
What are the best pieces of advice you have gotten from pickup that are not degrading and have helped you become a better man? Share them in the comments and help other people, who are reading this, out.