I spent about 4-5 months working on charisma and inner confidence. I’d like to share with you the techniques I used during my first 30 days to become more charismatic where I saw the biggest immediate gains.
WEEK 1: Wear only what sparks joy
I hired a stylist, who came up with more perfect outfits that looked amazing and felt like me in two hours than I ever found in two years – all within my budget.
If you’re confident enough in your style to not want a stylist, though, then this is the main principle to follow: Wear only what sparks joy.
There are 3 main reasons for this:
- The slightest bit of discomfort (whether the physical or emotional) will kill your charisma. You’ll feel uncomfortable, which gets in the way of charisma. Also, if your clothes make you fidget, feel itchy, etc., people will notice your discomfort – but think that you’re uncomfortable with THEM.
- Wearing only what’s comfortable AND makes you feel AMAZING will, well, make you exhibit amazingness. It’s also a great confidence booster and can help kickstart your inner confidence.
- Making an incredible first impression starts in part with style.
WEEK 2: Hold eye contact longer
Everywhere you go, practice holding eye contact with people walking around half a second longer than you normally would. For a real challenge, let yourself be the last person to look away. In conversations, try to maintain steady eye contact as much as possible.
There’s an art to eye gaze – you don’t want to stare so intently that you seem weird, or stare at people in a creepy way. So you may need to play with it.
Always remember: This is an experiment. Whatever happens, we’re just playing, seeing what happens.
Before, I very rarely got compliments from random people. When I did this in combination with improving my style, people started asking if I was a model and complimenting my hair a lot more. One person even asked to take a picture of my hair to show her stylist.
WEEK 3: Get people to move out of your way without saying a word
This is my favorite exercise, which I got from reading The Charisma Myth.
Imagine a big gorilla charging down a street. Now imagine that YOU are the gorilla.
When you walk around down a street or a hallway, or whenever you’re around people, imagine that you’re that gorilla. Don’t beat your chest or swing your fists – but just imagine that you are the gorilla.
Over time, you’ll naturally find yourself taking up more space and people will be moving out of your way.
What this does is improve your presence and power. This is one of the best ways I’ve found to learn to take up more space and use more powerful body language without having to be constantly conscious of it. We’re creating a sense of power within, at a more subconscious level.
WEEK 4: Develop your boundaries
Personally, I was an approval-seeking push-over that was constantly worried that no one liked me and that I had to do everything anyone asked for them to like me.
What started to help with this was reading a book about boundaries. I read Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day, but there are plenty of books out there that address this topic.
What changed: I started being very clear about what I was and wasn’t willing to put up with. I stopped being such a push-over who wouldn’t defend myself. I brought closer good people who supported me and made me better. I called out shady people who made weird comments about me, or stopped talking to them. I wasn’t afraid to let them go, or need their approval.
As a result, I started developing a stronger inner sense of confidence that yes, I can speak up, and yes, I’m worth it. And the people around me now supported this.
I did all this while working with a great coach and reading “The Charisma Myth”. And, this doesn’t include the previous year doing hundreds of hours of public speaking training, learning body language, and familiarizing myself with networking strategies.