How To Get Women To Approach You

You are an awesome human being. You and I know that. But the women you want to meet don’t. They have never met you and have no prior knowledge about you. So, unless you walk up to them and start a conversation, potential mates can’t know that you are this attractive guy they want to be with. Or can they?

Imagine yourself as a walking talking billboard – because that’s basically what every one of us is. We communicate non-stop. Whether we like it or not. Our appearance, body language, mimic, and behavior tell a story to outside observers. And this story can make you or break you before the first word is spoken.

In this article, I’ll teach you how you can change your story so that…

  1. Women become interested in you even before the first word is spoken.
  2. Women initiate conversations with you.

Let’s get right to it.

Telling a compelling story through your looks

When I was in the Austrian equivalent of high-school, I used to dress as stylish as possible. I spent most of the money I earned on the side on designer clothes and haircuts because I thought looking good was the key to the ladies’ hearts. I was so wrong… so, so wrong!

What I did communicate through my expensive clothing was that I had a good fashion sense. I also communicated that I probably compensated for something. What 16-year-old walks around wearing a $200 belt? Either a spoiled kid of wealthy parents, a poser, or someone with serious self-esteem issues. I was guilty of the second and third.

As an unpleasant byproduct, many girls thought I was gay and were surprised when I interpreted their compliments as signs of romantic interest.

Through this painful experience, I learned that your looks can give others a ton of info about you. For example:

  • What social group you belong to
  • How old you are
  • What job you have
  • How well you take care of yourself
  • What you are passionate about
  • How much money you earn
  • How much you value beauty

Don’t believe me?

Just take guys in uniform. A firefighter tells you a lot about himself without saying a single word. It’s the unwritten story of an underpaid, fit, brave guy who is willing to risk his own life to save others. That’s a pretty fucking sexy story, if you ask me.


Think about it: What story is your exterior telling? And are women drawn to that story?

How to change your story

In case you aren’t content with the impression others get of you, it’s prudent to change it. To do that, first, you need to decide what defines you and how you want to communicate that through your exterior. So, grab pen and paper and write down words that describe you.

For me, the words were: spontaneous, different, manly, smart, sporty, artistic, well-groomed (but not over the top).

How could I display these qualities?

  • I carried my camera and beach volleyball stuff around. E.g., I would carry my beach volleyball to school with me because I headed directly to the beach volleyball court afterward.
  • I grew a beard.
  • I combined trashy with elegant clothing (e.g., a nice blazer with ripped jeans).
  • I read every chance I had. (preferably physical books because an ebook hides what book you are reading)
  • I always had a little sketchbook with me in which I scribbled ideas and little drawings.
  • I got two easily visible tattoos.
  • I always made sure I smelled nice and wore clean clothing, but I didn’t shave off every single hair and I didn’t obsess over an unironed shirt or a tiny hole in a T-shirt.
  • I let my chest hair grow.

After I had made these changes, people started reacting differently to me. Women suddenly smiled at me more often. Like minded guys came up to me and started conversations about beach volleyball or photography. When I was reading on the subway, women told me they loved the book I was reading. I even sensed that my friends respected me more.

Basically, what I did was give others a better idea of who I truly was, and then give them the perfect excuse to start talking to me. I eliminated the, “What should I say?” hurdle for anyone who wanted to get to know me.

A few things to keep in mind:

  • I didn’t do these things just to make women interested in me. E.g., I only carried my camera with me when I really wanted to take pictures. Never pretend to like something just to pick up women. Always make sure everything you do is authentic!
    No matter how great you appear on the outside, if you behave in a way that is incongruent with the story your looks are telling you’ll run into trouble – at the latest when you are in a conversation with a woman who thought you were interesting but now sees through the charade. This phenomenon is often the reason why she excuses herself after a few minutes in the conversation and never comes back.
  • Don’t go crazy with your appearance for the sake of being noticed. Our goal is to tell a coherent story about who you are, not look like one of these PUA peacocking jokes.

Confirming the story through your behavior

Imagine this situation: You are at a beach bar with some friends and this attractive brunette keeps looking at you. “What is she looking at,” you wonder. Well, she is trying to figure out if there is more to you than just a pretty face.

Once women are interested in you because of your looks, they will observe you closely to learn more about you.


Here is a list of a few behaviors and what quality they can signal to an outside observer…

  • Having friends – likability
  • Making others laugh – sense of humor
  • Being treated well by people with high social status – social status
  • Treating people you have no interest in with respect – good heart
  • Moving slowly, taking up space (strong body language) – power
  • Attractive women flirt with you – desire
  • Being comfortable as the center of attention – confidence
  • Tipping well – generosity, good manners
  • Getting along great with pets/children – father material
  • Speaking up when someone tries to take advantage of you – self-respect

Your objective should be to behave in a way that displays as many of these positive qualities as possible – without faking any of it. Some of these behaviors are extremely simple to implement, whereas others require a shit ton of habitual change.

I recommend you write down what good qualities you already have and how you can show them. Once you display these qualities naturally, you can add more and more attractive behavior.

Eliminate hurdles for her

Now, that you are telling an interesting story without saying a word, there is only one more thing to do: eliminate hurdles for people who want to start talking to you.

Women are often as scared of approaching you as you are of approaching them. Therefore, you need to make it as easy for them as possible.

The first one we got rid of was the, “What should I say?” hurdle. That’s a big step, but there is more you can do…

  • People don’t want to interrupt you when you look busy with work or listen to music with your headphones.
  • People are less likely to approach you when you look bugged or angry. Always have a smirk on your lips.
  • When on public transport sit next to the window so the seat next to you is easily accessible.
  • Position yourself in a way so she only has to say “Hi”. It takes more courage to walk across a whole room than it is to just turn to the side, smile, and comment on something.
  • It’s easier for her to approach you when you are alone. So, even when you are with friends, make sure you create situations in which you are solo. E.g., going to the restroom, ordering a drink, looking for something, smoking a cigarette, getting some fresh air…

Closing thoughts

When I say that the tips from this post will make women approach you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they will come over and say something to you. Approaching can just as well mean clearly signaling you that they would like to get to know you. You can read all about the signals women give you in our article How to Know If A Girl Likes You.

Thx for reading and let me know in case you struggle with implementing the advice from this post.