The way you perceive yourself is the way others perceive you. Attractiveness is not only based on looks but even more so on how you think about yourself. In this article, I’ll teach you how you can start to see yourself as an attractive man – no matter how you think you look.
What happens if you believe you are unattractive
Humans are terrible at assessing themselves. Whether it is our driving skills, how funny we are, or how well we perform in the bedroom, most of us either put ourselves down or overestimate our capabilities. This principle is called the Dunning-Kruger effect and has been proven over and over.
What has all of that to do with your attractiveness? Simple. Just like we are really bad at assessing other areas in our lives, we are also quite incapable of assessing our own attractiveness.
The world is full of beautiful people who think they are ugly. It’s also full of not so attractive people who believe they are gods gift to humanity.
The strangest thing about all of this is, that good looking people who believe they are ugly, do usually far worse in dating than relatively unattractive people who believe they are hot. It’s similar to the famous intelligence contradiction:
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
The truth is, even if you believe your looks suck, you can never know what the cute blonde behind you thinks. The results you get in dating don’t necessarily say a lot about your looks. Maybe you were her type but after a few words she got turned off emotionally? Either way, even if she was interested in you, your negative beliefs about yourself would have killed every chance for attraction, anyway.
I’ll give you an example to make all of this clearer:
Matthew has a well-trained body. He goes to fitness 5-6 times per week, is well groomed, and eats healthy. His immense effort to look great is fueled by his belief that he will only get more attention from women if he looks like one of those guys you see on Instagram.
And he actually does get more attention. When he goes out, girls smile at him and give him signs of interest. But as soon as he talks to them they look behind the facade and leave. Why? Because his mind can’t accept the fact that this cute girl would want to spend time with him: Matthew doesn’t believe that even a part of him deserved being loved and appreciated if he didn’t have that body. To him, he is still the slightly overweight, insecure guy that he was just a few years ago. But every time a girl turns him down he blames his looks. “I’ve got to get bigger shoulders! Then she’ll like me!”
Needless to say, our fictional friend Matthew is attacking the problem all wrong.
How to believe you are attractive
First, you have to assume you are attractive. It doesn’t matter if you believe it. That image in the mirror is lying to you! From now on, tell yourself, “I am attractive whether I believe it or not!” Do this daily, or even better, every time you walk past a mirror.
Second, when a woman starts talking to you, assume she is interested. Most women aren’t used to initiating conversations with guys. If she didn’t have some interest in you, she wouldn’t start a conversation. It’s as simple as that. I recently saw a perfect example of a situation like this on “The Big Bang Theorie”. The following scene is from season 5, episode 9:
Penny (accidentally nudging the man sitting behind her): Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem.
Penny: What you writing there?
Man: A screenplay. It’s about a guy whose roommate is having sex and tells him go to a bar and work on his screenplay.
Penny: I Hope Alex Gets Crabs: The Movie.
Man: It’s a working title.
Man: I’m Kevin.
Penny: Oh. Penny. Nice to meet you.
Kevin: I’ll let you get back to your date.
Penny: Oh, no, no. This isn’t a date, no. Right?
Leonard: Uh, right.
Penny: So have you written anything I might have seen?
Kevin: That depends. How much time do you spend on Yelp?
And so on… He did it just perfect: He showed interest, assuming she was interested as well, even though Penny was obviously there (on a date) with Leonard.
Here you can watch the scene for more clearness. I already set it up at the right second for you. Just hit play.
Third, start to believe that you are enough. That new outfit won’t turn you into a ladies man. Neither will your six-pack abs. What will make you dramatically more successful with women is what you believe about yourself. Trust me, no high-quality woman wants a wannabe bodybuilder who has to compensate for his insecurities. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t improve your exterior. It just means that even before you get those gigantic calves, women will still be interested in you and you shouldn’t waste those opportunities.
Now repeat after me, “I am attractive. Women are interested in me. I am enough.”