Being good looking certainly helps you get noticed by women, but if you don’t have anything else to offer, you’re gonna get rejected anyway.
Being naturally good looking is just the cherry on the cake – not more but also not less.
Often when you ask a woman: “What is your type?”, she will answer something like: tall, dark hair, nice abs. But who is she dating? Blonde, pale, skinny guy – and she also finds him attractive.
So obviously there is a gap between what we say we want and what we get in reality.
An important reason for it is that women perceive men who they are emotionally attracted to also as physically attractive.
So the more she is into his character and the way you are the hotter he seems to her.
So what are those qualities that make you emotionally attractive to her?
The most important one is social status.
Social status is the value other people ascribe you. It depends heavily on the environment you are in.
A DJ has high social status in a club he works at. At the club he will be perceived as much more attractive than he actually is because of his job, but if you meet the same guy in a grocery store, his attractiveness will be back to normal.
The best way to get social status is by hanging out with people who already have it.
How do you do that?
Back to our DJ example. Let’s say you go to a standup comedy class and meet the DJ there. He is a nice guy and the two of you get along great. So he invites you to come to the club he works at. He puts you on the guest list, gives you a couple of free drink coupons and when you are at the club you can come up to the turn table and talk to him.
Voila! You now have high social status at the club.
Now many guys might be tempted to stalk high status people and find out where they hang out in their spare time. Don’t!
Only do activities in your spare time that you enjoy. Do them together with other people and get to know them. I guarantee you, you will meet a lot of very interesting people that way and your social status will skyrocket. One person knows a guy who knows a guy… I think you get where I am going with this.
Another extremely attractive quality is confidence paired with an ‘’I don’t give a fuck’’ attitude.
You know this kind of attitude from rock stars and actors.
It’s not easy to develop. Building it requires constantly trying new things, experiencing life to the fullest and facing your fears on a daily basis.
However, the few guys who manage to get it are able to tap into women’s desire like few men can.
Confidence is a mindset thing. What you think about yourself is what you show the world. If you believe you are attractive then you will be. Likewise, if you don’t like the way you look it will also show in your behavior.
The two qualities I mentioned before are pretty much universally attractive to women. However, what set of qualities attracts a certain girl is completely individual.
Every woman has her own preferences. Some girls are magically drawn to intelligence, some want financial security and the lifestyle that goes along with it. Other women can’t help but fall for ambition whereas others find humbleness irresistible. The possibilities are endless.
Of course, some qualities are attractive to a larger portion of women than others but that shouldn’t matter to you. Like Chris Cornell sings in a popular Audioslave song “be yourself is all that you can do.”
You are a human being with a unique set of behaviors and qualities. Focus on improving those qualities as much as possible but don’t try to become someone you are not, only to appeal to more women. Improving yourself will increase the number of women who are attracted to you. But if you try to appeal to everyone you end up appealing to no one.
So let’s draw a conclusion. Do looks matter? It doesn’t matter if they do. You should be confident enough not to worry about such questions. Because you can’t separate yourself based on looks. If you think logically about it, competing on looks doesn’t make sense.
There’re too many good looking men out there, millions of them. Rather work on things that you can’t train at the gym, like overcoming your fears, public speaking and social skills. This is what counts when it comes to an actual conversation with a woman.
I am not saying you should completely ignore improving your appearance, on the contrary. Your physical appearance is important because it tells a story about you. It shows what you value, what social group you belong to and how well you take care of yourself.
So go and improve your fashion, your personal hygiene and your fitness, but don’t do it in order to get girls. Do it to show yourself just how attractive you are. Do it to feel comfortable in your own skin and do it to show the world who you are.
As I said before, looks are only the cherry on the cake. Improve everything you can and accept everything that you can’t.
Good luck, guys!