“Julian, you sound like a fucking robot.” His words hit me like a freight train. “Every time you talk on the phone, your voice sounds monotonous, and cold, and basically just really boring.” Shocked, all I could reply was, “Thanks, I guess.”
The guy who had just hit me over the head with the merciless truth was Joe, my dating coach at the time. He had touched a nerve. Talking on the phone was always uncomfortable to me. But over the last few weeks, I was under the impression I had made substantial progress. Joe’s remarks killed that hope.
“If you want to become great with women, you have to carry more emotions through your language. I don’t care if you talk on the phone, or send an email, or chat with me – you are always too closed off.” His words hurt, but I couldn’t be too mad at him. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
I told you that story because it shows you the reality of working with a dating coach. It hurts like a motherfucker, but it also forces you to confront things that you wouldn’t have dared to face otherwise.
I am a believer. Taking coaching myself, then working as my coach’s PA, and finally coaching my own clients, has consistently brought me to the same conclusion: Until a mini drone can follow you around, analyze your behavior, and give you quality feedback, a dating coach is your best option if you want to become a ladies man. Here are 7 reasons why.
1. You can’t see yourself how others see you – a coach can
We experience life from the ego perspective. Yeah, like in Call of Duty. The only way to see ourselves from the outside is through a mirror or a video. But then again, an inverted 2D image can never come close to what you look like to an outside observer.
A coach sees you like everyone else does. Pair that with highly specialized expertise and years of experience and you have got an individual who, within seconds, can spot what you have missed for years.
I, for example, never knew that I avoided eye contact. I’d still be clueless if no one from the outside had told me.
2. A coach is brutally honest with you while almost everyone else lies right to your face
Most people hate hurting other’s feelings, especially if they are friends or family. That’s why they’d rather lie to your face than tell you the uncomfortable truth – even if they think it would help you. A coach, on the other hand, gets paid for being brutally honest.
Just imagine how important it is to have someone remind you, “Hey man, you look down at the ground all the time. Stop it! It makes you look insecure.” Or, “You have a great smile! You should definitely smile more often. It makes you so much more attractive.”
3. A coach has worked with people who overcame the same problems you have
I know, you believe your problems are exclusive to you and no one else understands you. So did I! But believe me, everyone thinks like that. No matter what you struggle with, an experienced coach has probably encountered it many times before and knows how to fix it.
Always remember: you are not a special snowflake.
4. The good qualities of your dating coach will rub off on you
You have probably heard the saying, “Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.” The people you hang out with shape you. Spend a lot of time with smokers, and you are much more likely to become a smoker. Hang out with artists, and chances are their creativity will rub off on you. Spend time with a coach who is confident and great with women, and you’ll automatically adopt parts of the mindset, behavior, and language that make him so successful with the ladies.
5. A coach truly listens to you
Everyone is busy with their own problems. They don’t enjoy hearing about other people’s issues in their spare time. Sure, a good friend or trusted family member occasionally listens to what’s bothering you, but after a while, your problems start to annoy even the most loyal friend.
Coaches get paid to help you solve your problems. And to do that, they need as much info from you as possible. Your problems aren’t a burden to them, they are valuable info to get the job done.
6. A coach holds you accountable
For the procrastinators among us, developing good habits – like practicing gratitude – can be challenging. A coach will be a pain in the ass until you do the stuff you are supposed to. Think of a coach as the guy standing in the gym next to you yelling, “Give me one more rep!”
7. Spending a ton of money on coaching forces you to act
Coaching is pricey. But that’s also a good thing, because if you spend thousands of dollars on something, I bet you’ll be much more likely to do what your coach advises you to.