Are Nice Guys Really Unattractive?
A “nice guy” is a man who sees himself as a gentlemen. He wants to save all women from the evil bad boys who treat them like crap.
The nice guys’ strategy is simple: He befriends a woman and treats her like a princess, hoping all the time she will realize how great he is. Over time, so he hopes, will she come to her senses and finally take him as her boyfriend.
Wrong Language
As you might have expected, there is a catch. Mr. Nice Guy tries to get on an emotional level with her by communicating on a platonic level.
I’ll give you a couple of examples:
He wants to show her how much he likes her.
NICE GUY: Buys her stuff.
Sexy guy: Let’s her know by the way he looks and touches her.
He wants to go out with her.
NICE GUY: Befriends her for months. Then he asks nervously.
Sexy guy: Confidently asks her. Indirectly he communicates many attractive attributes to her.
He wants to kiss her.
NICE GUY: Plans the perfect evening at the perfect location three weeks in advance at the end of which the two of them move magically towards each other and without saying a word – you get it.
Sexy guy: Goes for the kiss. Laughs if she slaps him or spills her drink on him. After all negative emotions are still emotions.
There are nice guys out there who are fantastic with women. It’s just that they have learned how to communicate with women on an emotional level. Whereas most nice guys feel sorry for themselves and never think the problem might be them.
How does one communicate on an emotional level?
- Vulnerability/talking about your feelings
- Listening
- Empathy/being able to see the world through her eyes
- Touching
- Eye contact
- Say what you feel “I feel angry at you because you dated that jerk”
Taking Action
I recently read a fantastic answer by Miraz Zaidi on Quora titled “Why do girls fall for jerks?” It’s fantastic. Enjoy:
Okay. Let me share a little of what I have observed, learned or experienced.
Girls don’t fall for jerks.It’s just that jerks don’t hesitate to approach girls and take their chance.
Whereas a gentleman guy will :
- Silently admire a girl.
- Watch her from a distant corner in the classroom.
- Stalk her on every damn social network
- Tell his friends and everyone else except the girl , how much he likes her.
- Pray to God for some miracle.
- Wait for the girl to magically read his mind , and approach him.
- Either act stupid or arrogant in case they happened to have a little interaction. (Just in case).
- Never, or for not at least 3 years (whichever is more ) have the balls to walk up to her and convey his feelings.
- And just in case , against all the odds , he gets lucky (or balls) to get along with the girl, 99.98783% chances are he’s gonna get trapped in the ‘Friend Zone’ forever.( Because of the fear of losing her as a friend and all BS).
Whereas Our Jerk guy,
- Gets straight to the point with the girl as he obviously doesn’t have anything to lose.
So you see, whose fault it is. ;)
Taking action is key!
If you don’t ask her out you are looking at three possible outcomes:
- She likes you but thinks you don’t like her.
- She doesn’t like you and you wasted a lot of time and energy trying to convince her otherwise.
- She is indifferent but you will never know what could have been.
Thus it’s always a good idea to ask her out first and then see what happens.
Objectifying
Nice guys see women as an object of desire. A prize who only the best man gets to posses. The more attractive and confident the woman the more he wants her. I must know, I was this guy.
Said perception of women leads to an array of problems like neediness, glorifying her and jealousy.
Don’t be fooled by her beauty. She is human – just like you.
Here is a better view of women that all nice guys should adopt:
- She is a human being just like you.
- Although her beauty is awe striking, there is much more to learn about her.
- She has bad breath in the morning – just like you.
- When you feel insecure around her, she probably feels the same.
- She prefers pyjamas over tangas at home.
- Guys who lie through their teeth just to get into her pants tire her. All she wants is a normal conversation with an authentic person.
Being nice is not a problem. Communicating without emotion, being passive and thinking of her as a beautiful object that needs to be won are the true deal breakers.