I will tell you a little fictional story to illustrate 5 common mistakes guys make on a first date so you don’t have to make them yourself. The story is wildly exaggerated to make it clearer but I think you will get the point we are trying to get across. Enjoy! :)
“Finally,” he thinks, “the big night is here”. The first date with this beautiful girl he has been amazed by for so long. He gets himself ready and dresses up in a suit instead of his favorite outfit.
Mistake #1 – The Uptight Outfit
Do you feel extremely comfortable in a suit and tie? Chances are you prefer low cut jeans and a T-shirt at home. So why would you wear something to a date in which you don’t feel 100% comfortable?
-On we go-
Questions seem to arise in his mind out of nowhere. “Am I looking good enough?”, “Will she show up?”, “Is she expecting me to kiss her?” and the deadliest of all “What do I talk about?”.
The closer the date gets the more nervous and uncomfortable he feels about it.
Mistake #2 – The Pre Going Out Preparation
Our guy in the story got all nervous because he asked himself all kinds of stupid questions leading nowhere instead of pumping his energy up. Asking these questions is not gonna take you anywhere, so why should you bother? Preparing for a date (or any night out) is so critical you wouldn’t believe it. It can make or break your night! What he should have done is focusing on getting his energy up with music, dancing or talking to friends. Something to distract him from his own thoughts.
It would have gotten our friend into a social, happy and energetic mood that is highly contagious and sexy.
-Back to the story-
After watching his clock for the last 15 minutes, so he wouldn’t be there late, he drives off to wait for her at the restaurant where he has booked a candle light dinner for two.
Mistake #3 – The Location
Our friend in the story chose to take her out to a candle-light dinner on their first date… Come on guys, a candle light dinner? Of course this is the most romantic thing to do in the eyes of society, and maybe some girls will really appreciate that, but it’s not exactly the reinvention of the wheel. Don’t panic there’s no need for reinventions either but what about you save the candle-light dinner for your first anniversary?
Instead he should have taken her out to a place he loves and bring dinner, a blanket, wine glasses and some candles himself. For illustration purposes let’s assume his favourite place is this beautiful spot that overlooks the entire city.
Why would that have been so much better?
First, he would have taken her to this amazing place that she probably has never seen before and let’s face it, the chances she’s already been to a fancy restaurant are pretty damn high. Now the thing for you to do is to use your advantage and decide for a place that’s just a little extraordinary.
Second, he would have felt much more comfortable at “his” location because he has been there before and is kind of the expert who leads her through this amazing experience. He could have prepared everything beforehand and checked the place again for the perfect spot and a little preparation maybe.
This will make her feel special! If you succeed on making her feel special you are well on your way to a wonderful relationship! And one more thing –When I talk about “special” it does not mean superior.
Third, this is a location he is passionate about. Guess what, when you are passionate about something it is very easy to talk. He could have told her about how he found this spot, why he enjoys being there so much, what he thinks about when he goes there, how it was his dream to share his favorite spot with a special person,… I bet you see where I am going with this.
With just one small change, a different location, he killed almost all the problems he faced in the restaurant and the best part, he did it all naturally without any tricks or memorized lines or awkwardness!
-The story continues. The lady arrives-
She arrives 15 minutes late and is half shocked (not in a good way) and half amazed of what he arranged for her — nonetheless he is still the perfect gentleman. He takes her coat, helps her sit down and then the date officially begins.
They start out with a little chatter about how she is and the bad weather in the last days. So far so good.
They sit exactly across each other so he can look her better in the eyes. That’s romantic, right? What Romeo didn’t anticipate was how awkward sitting directly across each other is when you don’t have anything to say.
Mistake #4 – Sitting directly across each other with a table in between
That one was eye opening for me.
When you sit directly across someone it puts a lot of pressure on the both of you. You don’t know where to look at. Questions like “Is it creepy to look into her eyes that often and long?” come to mind. The energy gets awkward and thanks to the table in the middle you just made it a whole lot harder to have body contact and I am not even talking about kissing, which is basically impossible at that point.
The solution to all of this is sitting in a 90 degree angle to her. That way you two are much closer to another but yet you don’t have this awkward interrogation feeling, plus you can easily touch and kiss.
Thank god the overcaring waiter – she already seems to be more attracted to – brings the menu. Something to look at that will get him a couple minutes of socially approved silence.
But after ordering that silence is not so approved anymore and they are back in the awkward zone again.
Sweat drops are forming on his forehead and he wonders whether she can see the stain in his armpit. “How embarrassing” he thinks, which makes things even worse.
After a steak meal for him, a chicken-ceasar salad for her and a creme brulee that he wanted to split but she “wasn’t hungry anymore”, she suddenly is so tired she literally can’t stay 5 minutes longer. Her excuse: “I have to get up early tomorrow.” Half surprised, half heartbroken he pays for dinner, helps her put her coat back on and walks the disgraced lady to her car. She thanks him with a quick hug, her hips far far away from his, and drives off into the night.
Immediately after he arrives home he texts her about how lovely the night was and that he wishes to see her again soon. No response…
Mistake #5 – Crazy Expectations
His prime goal even before the date, was to be with her in some way. Either have sex with her, or make her fall in love with him but at least a good night kiss. How could he plan so far ahead? He didn’t even know her yet. Chances are she hates everything he likes and likes everything he hates. (Although our Romeo is probably indifferent about most topics, in that case I’d advise him to man up and get an opinion of his own)
By putting her on a pedestal you come across as needy very easily. You try to compensate it by being the entertaining monkey who has to do all the work to make her like you. Can you hear how crazy that sounds? I made this mistake so often and got such painful results from it that I really want you to internalize this: You and her are equal! You want to get to know her to see if she is a good fit for you and she does the same. If she is not, than it’s ok as well, maybe you can become friends or casual lovers or whatever. Or maybe not, but you can’t tell until you really know her!
One last thing to remember: When asked what a man has to do on the first date to get her interested, a female friend of mine said: “What do you mean? When I go out on a date I already am interested! Otherwise I wouldn’t go out with him.”
Thx for reading if you made it this far!